The fires are lit

I have endured the inner war of my demons
I have faced the extreme freeze of my white dwarf heart
The spiralling black hole of my soul

And what would God say now?
If he knew the house he built had crumbled
The faded facade of my scarred face
Would he wrath?
Would he cry?
Tears bringing a second flood
Cleansing the world again
Too full of sin again
A chance again

And would death on his white horse
Ride into the world
With deafening laughter?
Raining pain down
On us who are in pain
On us who lie
To ourselves
Cause pain to others
Lie. Cheat. Betrayal in all forms
We betray ourselves
Fall upon rusty swords

I have endured the outer war of society
What would God say if he was still alive?
What would he do, looking at us now?

And will my savage heart pause
To wonder where these bloodlines pulse from?
My heart that aches and leaks from the puncture wounds sustained by time

The heat is unbearable here
It closes around you like a cloak
Clasped tightly with the metallic sting of blood
Clotted to a thick paste
Where there’s no room to breath
Save gulps of torrid air
Keeping lungs full of polluted gas
Feeding our own polluted existence
Scum marks around our dirty souls
They were clean once
New once
They shone
Now we try to find happiness where we can
In this black sand
In this black land
But this scorched earth is dead
Our lives scatter
Together alone

The lyrical beauty of the word
Consumed by fire
The burning anger of the politicians
The poisonous hatred of the people
A bubbling cauldron of anger
Stirred by the devils of our own insecurities
Redeem us now
Forgive us
We who have been unforgiving
We who walk by the vagrants, the lost dogs, the cries for help
For money or time or both
We have neither
None for them
While the donkey breaks his back to carry his load
And the rider takes up his reed
And beats the last will out of his bony carcass
The carcass of us
The bloody mess of our flayed skin
Religion and society and scornful self hatred; the torture weapons we use against ourselves
When we need to feel something

Now the fires are lit
Flaming high into the night
A beacon
Declaring to all
‘Stay away. We are forsaken’



You were always
Even when I pushed away

You were always
Even when I couldn’t understand

You were always
Full of guidance
Even when I lost my way

You were always
A light
Even in the darkest of times

You are always
My mother
And I’ll always be
Your son

Heavy is the head

A council of wolves
Sits inside my skull
They growl for attention
They demand to be heard

They speak of issues
In ravenous tones
Go round the circle
Until they are solved

But they fight all the time
They can’t get along
That leaves me frustrated
It leaves me alone

With teeth that snap
And claws that scratch
The inside of my head
Is their hunting patch

One in particular
Roars louder than most
His growl drowns out
What others speak of

Their voices get stolen
In his snapping jaws
He makes me act different
His teeth are my words

Sharp daggers that cut
Those who get close
I wish he’d lie still


Sometimes they laugh together

Was owned
As I
By a sense of piteous righteousness
A charm that reflected
Only it’s own sicophancy

We dealt together
Two heads as one
The cords of our cloaks
Rattling under the sway
Of desire

Moonlight shone on the scene
Bathers by night;
A charming still life
Of expressionistic hedonism

The guttural chorus
Of our cries
Rippling the pond
Turning the tide
The city aflame with
Our spent laughter
Joyous cries
Heard only in the deepest pits
Of human despair

My heart is a bird

My heart is a bird
Caged til you set it free
With three loving words
It perches in your tree

It’s wings stretch out
And it flies; it soares
Free from doubt
That others have caused

It’s wide open beak
Is greedy for you
For the passion you speak
And all we might do

With a musical trill
And a flash of its tail
It flies higher still
On the wind it sets sail

Happily chirping
It comes back to you
The way of love working
And guiding it through

Now softly landing
On shoulders you offer
You hold my heart up
A kiss you do proffer

And weakness it passes
The strength you give, glue
Energy restored
It nuzzles you through

Through rivers of warmth
And lakes build of trust
Thirst now extinguished
The seaside of us

With waves crashing down
On the shoreline we made
We sit safe and warm
The lights never fade

The lights of our love
That shine like a star
That bird on your shoulder
Will never fly far

So keep feeding him slowly
With your nourishing kisses
And stronger he’ll grow
Cupid never misses

Lost in the woods: finding water

As the night grows dark
And I let my mind rest
It always finds you.

Amongst the shadows of time
That memory brought on us
The tangential crosshatch
Of our passion
Flames licking at us
From the fire we stoked
Beneath our feet.

Your eyes find me as if
in a dream.
Your voice
The only sound I hear.
Amid the harsh chatter of birds;
Amid the chatter of life.

Your voice floats toward me
An endless song
That I keep for the quiet moments
Reserved for those times when
I recall you in all your essence.
It’s your voice that comes first
Calming my soul
Lifting my spirit
Leading me onwards.

I feel your hands
The ghosts they drew on my skin
I still recall your touch

As if you rested on my skin
But a moment ago.

The rough hewn skin
Of my weary body
Welcomes your touch

Like a fawn
Lost in the woods
Finding water.

Oak tree

It grows in each of us
But rarely finds the light
Most times the delicate shoots
Can’t make their way past
Or break through.
It takes a lot to create
Something as strong as that
She had it from the start;
Delicate tendrils winding around,
Changing everything they touched.
Sometimes they strangled her,
Dragged her down
It’s hard to fight it some days
But she had enough light
To break free
Had the will to push through.
It took a lot from her
Friends, family, love
The strength required to maintain
Was too much at the start
But slowly, she found a way
She reached out her budding leaves
To me
Of all people – the fly trap
With broken roots and wilted leaves
Capturing stolen moments
Where I could get them
But still
I guided her into my soil
Planted her there
To care for
We grew together
Entwinned with passion
And trust
Learning what we needed
To survive
It wasn’t always easy
We fought against it
Tried to take all the light for ourselves
But the more we learned
The more we grew
Absorbing from the soil
Now enriched with our lessons
Our time, our memories
The best kind of fertiliser
Warmed by our new found love
We grew and grew
Until a bright canopy
Reached up
Towards the next chapter
Of our story
From shaky foundations
Our trunk became strong
Solid; unshakeable
Despite changes in the wind
And harsh seasons
That stripped us
Shook our branches
Until we almost broke.
We had to trust nature,
Let it take its course
Regrow what fell
Uproot ourselves when
The land gave way
Looking at us now
Gently swaying in the breeze
In calm harmony
You wouldn’t guess
How it started
From that small hard shell
To the lush spread of
What we became
When you look up
Never forget;
That’s what it’s all about
An unfolding
A softening
An oak tree from an acorn
The most beautiful transformation
And when the days get too cold
And the light is too weak
The tendrils of our love
Lift us out of the dark
It’s not always easy
Everything that grows strong
Comes from something small
But at the core of it all
The acorn
Containing all
Past and future